Do you dread networking? Then you’re doing it wrong.

Everyone I work with knows that networking is important. They’ve been told since college that “it’s who you know, kid.” But many of my clients see networking as awkward at best and extractive at worst—a task you do when you need something, not a habit that feels informative or purposeful.

And to be fair, they’re not totally wrong. A well-placed reference can absolutely make the difference between landing a first-round interview and getting passed over.

That said, there’s a better, more intuitive, and more fulfilling approach to networking than sheepishly asking a friend-of-a-friend to pass along your materials.

Done well, networking isn’t about asking for favors. It’s about gathering valuable information—the kind you can’t always find in a job posting or on a company website. And fortunately, it’s a skill that anyone can get better at with a little preparation and practice.

Why networking can feel so awkward

A lot of people dread networking because it feels both high-pressure and fake. They assume it requires asking for big favors, sticking to a script, or pretending to be someone they’re not. It’s a tough one-two punch: networking feels disingenuous and transactional.

But here’s the reframe I offer my clients: networking isn’t about pitching yourself. It’s about conducting research.

When you approach it as a tool to gather useful information—about a role, a company, a culture—it becomes something much more valuable. You can be curious. You can be strategic. And, as it turns out, asking smart questions also makes you look sharp in the eyes of the person you're speaking with.

What networking really means

The goal of networking isn’t just to “get a job,” although it can certainly help with that. At its core, networking is about expanding your understanding of professional opportunity. It’s an ongoing conversation with the working world—a relatively easy way to gather real-world data to inform your decisions.

Networking can help you:

• Learn about roles you might not have been exposed to

• Understand day-to-day responsibilities and work culture

• Explore new industries or career paths

• Make choices grounded in your actual values—not assumptions

  
  

And it’s not something you have to reserve for turning points like a job loss or career pivot. You can use networking to stay informed and aligned even when you’re not actively looking.

When you treat networking as research rather than a transaction, the whole experience shifts. Come prepared with thoughtful questions and a clear sense of what you want to learn, and you’ll walk away with the kind of insight that actually helps you move forward.

Understanding your wants and needs first

The best networking conversations start long before you send a message or hop on a call. They start with clarity about what you’re hoping to give and receive at work.

When I work with clients, we start by clarifying two key things:

• What they want to contribute in a future role—the skills they’re excited to use, the type of impact they want to have.

• What they need in return to thrive—the kind of environment, culture, or leadership support that helps them do their best work.

  
  

Once you’re clear on those things, it becomes much easier to ask thoughtful, targeted questions in a networking conversation. Instead of Googling “top 10 informational interview questions,” you can focus on what matters to you.

If you want more in depth guidance on building out your wants and needs, I have a more in depth blog post on that here!

Once you have a working list of what you want to give and receive at work, you can turn that list into thoughtful, strategic networking questions. The simple table below (with examples) will help you do just that.

Turn your wants into powerful questions

Here’s a simple framework you can use to generate your own networking questions based on what you’re looking for:

Your want or need	What it might look and feel like at work	Potential informational questions
Growth and development	Regular access to trainings, learning and development stipend, structured feedback programs, and encouragement from leadership to try new things	How have you been encouraged to grow or stretch your skillset in this role?
Mentoring others	Opportunities to support others through sticky situations and challenges; ability to shape team dynamics	In what ways does mentorship show up in your day to day? In what ways does leadership encourage mentorship across levels and teams?
Collaboration	Cross-functionality, brainstorming, opportunities to contribute to other teams’ initiatives and vice versa	Can you describe how you work with other teams? What kinds of opportunities exist for cross-team collaboration and partnership?

My invitation to all networkers: start by filling in your own wants and needs, imagining how you’d recognize them in a job, and then crafting a few open-ended questions that would help you assess whether they’re present in a given workplace.

Tips for Drafting Great Networking Questions

1. Keep them open-ended: yes/no questions kill the flow. Try “what, how, in what ways…” as question openers

2. Ask for reflection: invite personal stories. Try asking your conversation partner about their personal experiences over time.

3. Encourage dialogue: no one wants a one-way street. Share a little about yourself and ask for input. Describe what you’re looking for, and ask for their input; what else do they think you should consider? Where do they think you might seek out the kind of experiences you’re looking for?

   
   

Reach out thoughtfully

Once you’ve got your questions, the next step is finding people to talk to. LinkedIn is a great place to start—search for people at your companies of interest who are in similar roles or a few steps ahead of where you’d like to be.

• Use LinkedIn to find people in companies or roles that interest you. Prioritize first- or second-degree connections when you can, and 

• Join digital spaces of gathering for industries of interest. There are so many Slack communities to explore. 

• Try out platforms designed for networking. Platforms like Lunchclub facilitate networking conversations for you with other members.  

• Look for people at a similar level. A peer is more likely to respond (and offer insight you can relate to) than someone five levels above you.

• Warm introductions help—but cold outreach works, too. The key is to be specific: explain what kind of information you’re looking for and ask for a short 15-minute call.

  
  

Conducting the call

You’ve already done the prework; conducting the actual call is a breeze. Here are some simple but important reminders for holding a productive call:

Before the call:

• Review work history, noting anything you admire or relate to

• Revisit your questions; edit your list for relevance

During the call:

• Introduce yourself and what you hope to gain from the connection

• Ask your questions and listen closely; indicate understanding with thoughtful follow up questions 

• Express gratitude for their time

Keep it simple! More often than not, folks are happy to help others when their time and perspective is appreciated and respected. 

After the call:

It might sound basic, but it’s so important: send a thank-you note. Be specific—mention something they said that stuck with you or something you plan to do as a result of the conversation.

And if the connection was additive for you, stay in touch. Check in with updates, share milestones, or ask how things are going on their end. Keeping the door open can lead to lasting professional relationships.

Your network is a living organism: nurture it 

As your career evolves, so will your network. The people you connect with now may become collaborators, mentors, or allies in surprising ways. The best way to keep those relationships strong is by staying curious, generous, and engaged.

Whether you're in motion or in maintenance mode, your network is a living resource—one you can sculpt with intention, engage with creatively, and contribute to meaningfully.

If you're ready to start building that kind of network—or want help figuring out how to use the one you already have—let’s talk. I’m here for you. 😊