Navigating the return to work after parental leave: insights and wisdom from working parents

Anna Hess
Aug 27
8 min read

Three months after giving birth to my daughter, I sat down at my desk to “return” to work. While part of me was excited to switch on my dormant professional brain, another part of me was absolutely paralyzed by the idea that I would be expected to act, communicate, and perform like my “old” self – the one that didn’t have the beautiful but enormous new responsibility of caring for a child, plus healing from birth and co-managing an ever evolving schedule of feedings and naps. It was all dizzying, and the sleep deprivation didn’t help.

Returning to work after parental leave is a milestone unlike any other, during which one has to renegotiate their own previously held beliefs and assumptions about bandwidth, priorities, and interests. Getting through it, I found, requires patience, grace, and a hefty dose of reflection.

For many of my new parent clients, figuring out how to marry new parent life and work is a journey, and often includes developing new values, setting new boundaries, and sometimes, pivoting entirely to align their professional lives with their personal lives more seamlessly.

In an effort to better understand this complex life moment, I conducted a survey about transitioning to and returning from parental leave. The survey collected 38 responses from professionals across a range of industries and geographies, and the results highlight the unique challenges of this season, what individuals can do to meet their new needs, and how employers can better support employees in times of big changes.

What the data reveals about parents’ experiences on leave

Transitioning into parental leave

For the most part, the transition into parental leave wasn’t a huge stressor; 89% of respondents shared that their transition to parental leave was somewhat or very smooth.

Transitions into parental leave were smoothest when employees had supportive managers, colleagues, and a workplace culture that valued family. Clear transition plans, documented handoffs, and flexible policies also helped parents feel prepared and able to disconnect from work. On the other hand, confusing or inconsistent HR processes, unclear pay and benefits, and pressure to remain accessible during leave created stress and uncertainty. Unpredictable timing of birth, heavy workloads, and being the “first” in a role to take leave added to the challenges of transitioning into leave.

Returning from leave

In order to understand the experience of a return to work, we have to examine the length of the leave. Respondents to the survey had a range of parental leave lengths:

Unsurprisingly, folks that had less time off struggled more upon their return to work:

Of those that had 6-12 weeks of leave, 88% reported having a somewhat to very difficult return to work experience after their leave.
In contrast, 42% of folks with more than 12 weeks of leave reported a somewhat to very difficult transition back to work.

I expected that parents with less leave might struggle more with challenges in the category of family life – things like pumping logistics, emotional stress, and sleep deprivation. I thought that parents with more leave might struggle more with challenges in the category of work life – things like career progression, disconnection from work, and organizational changes made during leave that they had to adjust to. But the results weren’t so neat and clear. Both groups cited a range of challenges upon returning to work in both categories, and distribution of each type of hardship varied minimally.

When asked what they wished they or their employers had done differently to support their return to work, respondents overwhelmingly wished for:

More paid leave and more flexibility in how they returned, such as starting with part-time schedules, reduced hours, or gradual “ramp-up” periods.
Clearer communication about expectations upon return, as well as more proactive check-ins and support from managers.
Flexibility through remote work options and creative scheduling solutions
Understanding from teammates around needing to tend to postpartum recovery, pumping, and sick children.

Wisdom from survey respondents: how to stay grounded during change

Respondents to this survey had a lot of advice to share for parents preparing for and returning from leave. Here’s what they had to say:

Center grace and patience

Returning from leave often stirs up conflicting feelings: excitement to re-engage at work, guilt about time away from a baby, frustration about logistics, or even grief at how life has shifted. Many respondents emphasized that grounding themselves meant intentionally lowering the bar, at least at first, and recognizing that energy, priorities, and identity had changed:

“Don’t expect 100% on day one. Give yourself grace.”
“You are a different person! And that’s okay.”
“You are replaceable everywhere but at home. Make changes to your work life if you need to.”

Some ways parents described staying grounded included:

Practicing self-compassion: naming mistakes, messy mornings, and emotional days are all a part of the process, and aren’t indications of failure to adjust.
Normalizing identity shifts: it’s important to accept that returning to work as the “same” person you were before leave is unrealistic. Parenthood changes us, and that can be a strength.
Re-aligning expectations: Daily balance may not be realistic. What is possible is cultivating balance over the long run by giving yourself permission to prioritize different needs at different times.
Keeping perspective and enjoying moments with your kiddo: work will always be there, but early days with your new family member are fleeting. Take a beat every now and then to stop and smell those proverbial roses.

Perfection is a fool’s errand. Make room for mess, pace yourself, and give your attention to what matters most to you right now.

Take ownership of your return

In a perfect world, every employer would be well versed in how to gently and effectively shepherd new parents through the transition back to work after parental leave, but of course, that’s not the case. For some of us, it may be helpful to consider how we can assert control of our return to work to make it as smooth as possible, regardless of what kinds of practices or policies are in place.

Several respondents highlighted the importance of advocating for your own needs and setting boundaries. One parent shared:

“Facilitate open communication with your manager about what you need: flexibility, time, or space. They won’t know unless you tell them.”

Others emphasized the value of pacing the return:

“If you can, opt for a gradual return. Start with shorter days or fewer days per week. This made a huge difference for me.”

A number of parents encouraged being proactive in influencing the size and shape of your workload:

“Prioritize the most important tasks, and leave the rest for now. Don’t try to take everything on right away; ease in to start.”
“Advocate for which projects you do and don’t take back immediately. This helped me feel more in control.”

And almost universally, there was a reminder that it’s okay to put yourself first:

“Don’t be afraid to say no. Protect your time – it’s the most valuable thing you have.”

There’s a clear theme in these nuggets of wisdom: while you may not be able to control the systems or structures at work, you can shape the way you reenter them. By setting expectations, asking for what you need, and giving yourself permission to decline what doesn’t serve you, you can create conditions for a return that feels more intentional and sustainable.

Turn transition into opportunity

Parenthood can expand your empathy, clarify your boundaries, and even change the way you lead. A transition back to work offers a unique chance to reflect on how these changes can inform the kind of professional you want to be moving forward, and what you need from your employer in order to realize your vision for yourself. This moment can be harnessed as a reset, not just to catch up but to realign.

Simple questions can spark big learnings. New parents might benefit from asking themselves:

What kind of flexibility at work do I need to show up fully at home?
What kinds of support mechanisms at home do I need to show up fully at work?
What responsibilities at work am I excited to dig back into?
What responsibilities at work am I dreading returning to?
What boundaries feel most important to set as I navigate this new season?
How do I want my identity as a parent to inform my professional identity?

Getting clear about your new wants and needs can make or break your experience at work after parental leave. Many survey respondents found that parenthood gave them the perspective they needed to contribute with greater clarity, purpose, and effectiveness:

“Parental leave was a reset button for me. I came back with a clearer sense of what matters most in my life, and that helped me decide what was worth my time at work.”
“Becoming a parent expanded my empathy, which actually changed how I show up as a leader. I’m more patient and more understanding of other people’s challenges.”
“I realized I couldn’t do it all the way I used to, and that forced me to set boundaries I probably should have set long before I had a baby.”
“Coming back to work gave me an unexpected opportunity to re-evaluate what I want out of my career, not just what my company expects from me.”
“I used my return as a chance to advocate for a new schedule that works better for my family. It was nerve-wracking, but it’s made me more effective at work.”

In short: don’t just try to fit back into the version of work that existed before. Use this opportunity to reshape it in ways that support both your growth and your well-being.

Quick tips for a smooth return to work

For parents:

To anyone preparing to return to work after parental leave: I see you. Lean on the following best practices to help make your transition as easeful as possible:

Be open to your new priorities. The things that once felt urgent may no longer hold the same weight—and that’s okay. Give yourself permission to work from the values that feel most important now.
Build in transition time. Reentry is a process, not a flip of a switch. Ease in where possible—whether that means adjusting your schedule, setting boundaries around meetings, or taking things one day at a time.
Set realistic expectations for yourself. As one survey respondent put it: “Don’t expect 100% on day one. Give yourself grace.”
Communicate openly with colleagues and family. Returning to work is a shared experience, even if you're the one doing it. Keep lines of communication open so others can understand what you need—and how they can support you.
Prioritize and delegate. You don’t have to do everything at once. Focus on what matters most and be willing to hand off what you can. Capacity is a moving target—adjust accordingly.
Reconnect with your network. Reach out to mentors, peers, or trusted colleagues. Sometimes just talking to someone who gets it can help you feel less alone—and more grounded.
Create space for reflection. Check in with yourself regularly. What’s working? What’s not? What’s changed? Make time to reflect—not just to process the past, but to shape what’s next.

For employers:

To employers supporting team members through parental leaves: I see you, too. It can be hard to know how to show up for folks through such a big life moment, but there are simple things you can do to ease the transition. Survey participants were clear on this: support from employers can make or break this period of change. They suggested:

Start support early: plan handoffs collaboratively and reassure employees about their role post-leave.
Foster disconnection: encourage employees to truly unplug, and don’t expect responsiveness during leave.
Offer gradual reentry: as one respondent shared, “a part time then full time re-entrance plan would have made such a big difference for me and my family.”
Listen and adapt: develop feedback loops (like pulse surveys) to continually refine leave practices and show employees their experiences matter.

Embracing change

Returning to work after parental leave can be both disorienting and clarifying. It’s not about snapping back to who you were, but about growing into who you are now—with honesty, support, and intentionality. Take advantage of this powerful opportunity to redefine what success, fulfillment, and balance look like for you.

By reflecting on your experience, advocating for what you need, and approaching this chapter with intention, you have the opportunity to realign your work in ways that feel more sustainable, more purposeful, and more you.

If you’re navigating this transition and want a space to process, plan, or simply feel supported, let’s talk. I’m here for you. :)